Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in London with Mr. Tom Wrigglesworth.

There he is, ladies and gentlemen. You can't see him. I can. Tom Wrigglesworth, friend, stand-up comedian, co-host ... what else would you add to that? Scientist? / Uh ... keen DIY-er / Keen DIY-er, TV presenter / TV presenter __ __ up __ yeah, yeah / m__, r__ / Yeah. Why not? Why not? / Why not? Go for it / 4th of May / I realized / yeah / do so / yeah / as well / showing off / It's my birthday tomorrow. / Huh. / I did / until I saw / that's close to my birthday tomorrow / No way. / Yeah yeah yeah, yeah. / tell / You didn't ... oh, come on. Everyone ... everyone has ... everyone, like a little radar, everyone feels their birthday coming up / six weeks out. Not the day before. I've never ... the day before my birthday / hasn't occurred to me / just happened to me / Feature 1: / Have you forgotten your own birthday / Have you ever forgotten your own birthday? How close have you got to forget / anybody / actually / passed / oh / my birthday yesterday / おっと、昨日はオレの誕生日だったじゃん / you know / written down / you know, for some other reason / huh huh / 自分の誕生日に近い日付を新聞などで見かけたら「そういえば ...」と思うんだよ。 / quite / resonate / my number, that / yeah, that's your number / fate on that day / look at the top of / think / see, that's mine, 18th of October / There you go / papers or something / feel like / for the day / この新聞は僕のものだ、って、その日一日は自分が新聞王ルーパート・マードックになったような気分になれる。 / start keeping the papers / anyway / happy birthday for tomorrow. / Thanks very much. / And thanks very much for launching Feature 1: How close have you got to forgetting your birthday? / どれだけギリギリ、自分の誕生日を忘れるところだったか？ / Tom, as / his birthday is tomorrow / just / paper / birthday is tomorrow / remarkable / see / 13 hours away / his birthday / yeah, that's, that's ... / isn't it? / yesterday / What? Huh. Is this gonna ... is this leading to another feature? / It might, actually, yeah, yeah. / already / this is the most successful / 12 minute in, and now we've got / genuinely good feature on the go, one that is worthy of local radio. / yeah / what happened / didn't know / coming in today / 実は、今日これに出演するってことも、ギリギリまで知らなかったんだ。 / What? Till yesterday? / no no no ... yeah, / yesterday / just constant surprise, isn't it? / Yeah, it's great, isn't it? Um ... and, uh ... I ... I've ... there was a mess / emails / I didn't know, and, um ... Bridget, the producer / yeah / phoned me yesterday, ahead of this morning / everything / OK / now, my wife / she / she uses her mobile phone to phone clients / for a job / as a result, she blocks the number / you know what I mean / comes up blocked when she phoned / and / because B__ / perfect time for __ to call, my wife / I thought / number is blocked / 'cause BBC ... they do block numbers / Exactly. Now, so ... as ... as usual, when __ wife / I dug into my big bag of funny voices / Oh dear. / just to clarify, ladies and gentlemen / story / Tom answered the phone, believing it to be his wife / Yeah, yeah. / it was, in fact, Bridet, the producer __ BBC Radio Wales. So, what did you say? / one of many ways / I ... I opted for, uh ... / like / funny voice / I greeted my wife / sexy ones, I imagine, too. / Yeah, yeah. Well, this time I opted for, um ... the guy who lives two doors down from us, who's / 75-year-old Muslim man, and, uh, when / answer / phone / and there was a horrific pause before Bridget went, "Hello? It's Tom there?" / 女房は仕事の都合で携帯の番号を非通知にしてあるんだ。で、昨日、いつも女房からかかってくる時間に、電話がかかってきた。番号非通知だった。だからてっきり女房からの電話だと思って、近所のオッサンのモノマネをしながら出たんだが ... 女房とは違う声が。「もしもし？ トムなの？」プロデューサーからの電話だった。 ... BBC も非通知にしてるんだよね。 / It's Tom there ! / nearly __ / oh, you know / call back Tom__ ... Tom__ ... in the bathroom / えー、トムですか、トムは今お手洗いに行ってまして ... 今呼んできますから ... とか何とか言って誤魔化そうとも思ったけど / I didn't. I fessed up straight away / すぐ白状して謝った / Uh, no, it was me. I thought you were my wife / Muslim man. I apologize / but, have you ever done that / someone / Feature 2 / There you go / Feature 2, ladies and gentlemen / thinking / only to find out / or the door / or the door. ... Already two features. Already too much.

It's / hot hot hot day / Britain / sizzle in 79 degrees Fahrenheit / I've seen ... I've seen headlines / hotter than Majorca / on Monday / 月曜日はマヨルカ島よりも暑くなります / Really? / Yeah. / you know what I mean / every year / you see / people / picture of thermometer / people / two girls / two girls / two attractive ladies __ Bournemouth / yeah / beach in Bournemouth / probably. ... I can't remember. I have been there, of course / 79 degrees Fahrenheit, uh, ladies and gentlemen / I don't know / moved on to C? / 摂氏になったんだっけ / C now / I / mark / temperatures / know / I remember / as a child / about 24 / guessing, totally. / must have been really young / totally bent my mind / my brother / quite older than me ... his girlfriend __ going ... / her family / were going on holiday to Canada, and, uh, / talking about __ different time zone, / Huh. / I was totally new to this concept / twisted my head. / I've got a story on this as well / probably the same one. __ / It can't be, because what happened was / she said, "Oh, it's really / she was talking about how hot / 90's there / 彼らは 90's がどうのこうのって話していたんだ。今にして思えば気温のことで、「華氏90度台」という意味だったんだな。それをボクは「90 年代」だと思って ... / no idea / I thought / the year / No / yes, it was / 12 / get off, Tom / ウソをつけ！/ moment, I thought / ahead by two years / Can I just point out, ladies and gentlemen? If you have just joined the show, Tom is telling us a story of how, at the age of 12, unfamiliar with, uh ... with time zones across the world ... / Why would you be, at 12? Why would you be familiar with ... / sure / so unfamiliar with them (that) somebody / they are two years ahead / カナダは２年も進んでる？ / you might want to / forward now because ... because / take you roughly 9 hours' continuous / your watch to put it on two years ahead / 飛行機でカナダへ向かっている皆様、今すぐ時計の調整を開始してください。 2年分進めるのは大変ですよ。/ if you don't know / time / Feature 3 / logic of the situation / to me / and I knew that / concept of time difference / yeah / and I knew that my world / S__ / at that time / it was 1988 / 12 歳だった当時、時差というものがあるってことは知っていたんだ。ボクの住んでるシェフィールドは今 1988 年。カナダは時差で２年進んでて 1990 年か... と。 / 1988 / I was off to Canada as a young 12-year-old boy, and, uh ... somebody / meant / 1990's / because it's that far away / yeah / I don't know / the reason / I / laughing at you, but ... but ... and this is worse in a way. When I was 22 ... / __ __ __ __ / somebody said to me / I couldn't get my head round __ this for a minute / told my mom / her head / so, there we go. Uh ... just for a second ... just for a second, it got me. He said / go to Australia / said, "Look / whatever / look / next day / you know / I genuinely fell for it. For a few minutes, I was like, " / work / day / 22nd / Australia / 21st in Fiji / why can't you / why / and I genuinely fell for that. And I went / and she genuinely fell for it for a few minutes / brain trying to make sense of that / yeah / conclusion / I went to New Zealand / you don't think about the date line until / date line / could be out there now / people / thinking / why wouldn't that work? Why / Australia / two / day / before / carrying / suitcase of / Feature 4: Has it ever worked for you? / date line gamble / has anyone ever successfully / nature of time / Exactly. / but when I went to New Zealand / you can't tell us / anything / happen / Radio Wales, mate / there is that, but ... / somebody / that would be fun, wouldn't it? / 日付変更線を越えれば過去へ行けると思った人、それで勝つことがわかってる馬に賭ければ儲かると思った人、 ... それで成功した人、連絡ください。... いたらおもしれーな。

German autobahn, listening the show live near / I've got no idea, mate / birthday tomorrow / see, I know people / other people's birthday / that's not the question / how close / own birthday / hang on / birthday tomorrow / just as valid, I think / it's your feature / back in the game then. ... Uh, "Morning, Rhod and Tom. Your talk of birthday / reminded me / tomorrow / most people are aware / birthday / Tom / 13 hours away / remember / date / date today / you know / yesterday / you must have seen / yesterday / completely out of the blue / birthday tomorrow / birthday month / yeah / birthday month / April doesn't flag anything up / Feaures today ... we've got / two / how close / before / personal best / personal best in forgetting your own birthday / the minimum number of hours / within an hour or two / birthday / collecting personal bests / personal bests? / put this out / hang on / I / pen / Feature 2 / answered the phone or the door / expecting someone and then it was someone else / you've done something goofy / in a goofy manner / thought / goofy / turned out to be the producer of this show / 75-year-old Muslim gentleman. Could have been worse. Could have been worse, Tom / would have not been appropriate / worse / in a saucy manner / would not have been appropriate / would have been in tatters, wouldn't I? / producer / personal best / personal / I've spoken to my wife for 13 minutes in B&Q ... / yeah / ... before realizing / actually / ... したことがある / that is / personal best, that. / in dimensions, in ... in / different / knob / hinge types / What are you talking about? / other shops available. / Yeah. But ... you know, / DIY place / shelves / doors on it / she wasn't even / talking to / how __ you know / check / 13 minutes / massive clock on the wall / minutes / it was bang on the hour when I ... when I went over / things / I / bent down, measuring, and, uh ... / you talked non-stop about the shelves / yeah / thought / her / her / she was exactly ... she was a sounding board that I thought was there / down / looked at the clock again to check / how do you know / ask / personal best / very difficult to verify this / why / must have talked / just say, "Did you / be clear on it / No. I don't think / she would have thought / talking to me / yeah, but / she / distracted / over there / look / lamp shade / yeah / fairly easy to distracted in DIY shops / sounds ridiculous, / yeah / talking, uh ... you know / buckets / I've never done that / maybe ... maybe / we / to learn why / wife / turn around / probably / thought / cope / second longer of this tedious / monologue about __ __ and shelving units / 夫の DIY のウンチクなんかあと一秒たりとも聞いていられない / maybe / she

know / last night / nightmare / god / Feature 4 / What happened? / home / I was in London Town / night / two o'clock in the morning / nice and early / show / nice and early / about half two / night bus / you see / yeah / wonderful / takes about 25 minutes. / got / You must be the first person / world / wonderful / it is / experience / it is absolutely fine. / It does / ladies and gentlemen / rich in cultural experience / I got / card / pre-paid / machine / out of funds / driver / I went / two pound forty / "Fine" I said, rammaging into pocket / change / couldn't find any / carrying / carrying quite a wad of cash / standup gig / in 20 pound notes. So, / I can't take that. I can't take that / the change / said / do you know what? / cab / 20 ポンド札しか持ってなかった。そこでバスの運ちゃんにこう言った。「タクシーで帰れば 30 ポンドです。バスはタクシーと同じくらい快適ですから、どうぞお釣りはとっておいてください。」 / keep / being / quite flash / paying / night / make / look, if / what about / give / tenner back, maybe? / 20 ポンド札を出して 10 ポンド札のお釣りをもらうだけでもよかったのにな。 / he wouldn't let me do it. He wouldn't / accept that / gets on / 今はお釣りがないのですね？ でもいくつか停車するうちにお釣りができてくるじゃないですか。お願いだからこの 20 ポンド札で乗せてくださいよ。 / できん。検札官が乗ってきたらおおごとになる。 / could / inspector / says / easy to spot / just like you / what / say / like / look / ticket inspector / so much / opportunity / imagine / think / ticket / inspector / told you / explicitly / exactly like you / brilliant / fit me / what / what would you do if you / mine / Simon / we __ extremely similar. / stage / phenomenally similar / the back of / phone book / plumber character / he / probably a painter / not / at all / brandishing / paint / back / phone book / every single time / see / complete double take / every single time I walk past / かならず二度見する / to / you / wiping / pop / have you ever ... that's __ feature. That is a feature / met / me / so similar to me / so like me / not me / completely freaking me out / bus / have any / I had the money, and couldn't get the goods / so, in other words / money / driver / 20 quid / keep the change / in a non-flash way / non-flash way / desparately / get on / bus / I imagine / flat / I'm happy / yeah / ticket inspector / that's what I call, uh ... he did well, I think, I think. He passed the test. / He's an idiot. / 17 / personally / against the rules / I don't wanna / into that / hourly rate / 時給いくらもらってんだか知らないけどさ / hefty / wack / stuck to the rules, innit? / charity / it was just / could / not only / risking / losing his job / now / next day / go / 17.60 / charity / choose a charity / 運ちゃんは翌日差額の 17 ポンドを募金に持ってく。どこに募金しようか迷う。余計な手間だ。 / every / the next eight people / ボクの後に乗ってくる８人分の料金を出させてもらってもよかったかな。 / come / went / put your money away / that / guy / over / I can't see why / admin nightmare / having the funds and not getting the goods / feature 27 today, ladies and gentlemen / お題27： お金は持ってるのに売ってもらえなかったことある？

bed / return / feature / goofy manner, expecting someone else? / doing here / from Robin __ / hid / ready / don't know / ready / return / turned out she__ gone / shops / ended up / under there for around 25 minutes / finally arrived / from / don't / our / personal best / これはどちらかというと「パーソナル・ベスト」に分類される。 / Feature 3 / have you got any strange personal best / later / sometime / ago / have / genuinely / like a feature machine today / 今日のお前はまるでお題製造機だ。 / in / film / no, no / when someone / door / surprise party. Have you ever been involved / tell / story / my girlfriend / a few years ago / my 40th birthday / organized / surprise party / 40 / no, in a pub / she / get me to / where all of my friends / world, mate / jump / I'll tell you the rest of the story ... tell / end / shameful end / tweaks the nose of that story / so / anyway / she / I thought / that's nice / keep it tidy / then they said / pub / I went, "Yeah, all right / pub / a couple of drinks / this is where the surprise party was planned / from / coming / better / yeah / Unfortunately, ... / Huh huh, / ... my friends are so ... / well, my friends are people like you, Tom / hopelessly disorganized / hopelessly, sort of, uh ... physically incapable of being anywhere on time / always / chaotic lives, chaotic / Rhod / deal with it. / 我慢しろ。 / all of my friends / chaotic lives, chaotic, disorganized / can't be punctual / all of / should have happened / I open the door / assembled friends / sprung up / one person knew there / Huh huh / a bit of a coincidence / popped in for drinks / seven or whatever / your girlfriend must have been / she was ... she was / frantically ringing people / all of them, apart from him / just later arrived / different times during the evening. / Just dribbled in? / They dribbled in / over / one in / surprise party / about / half an hour / another two arrived / at that point / this can't be coincident / surprise party / and, over the course of the next three or four hours / came / dribs and drabs / was / Greg Davies ... Greg Davies / one of my best friends, big Greg Davis / that fame / arrived at half ten / surprise / starting / that is my only experience / surprise party.

here / means / in Welsh / how do you spell that? / Wow. / Yeah. / He's got a big __ / here / beat the personal / best / any strange personal best / beat / whole year thinking I was 38 and / next birthday / on my actual birthday / me / a year younger. / I / back / a whole year of my life / まるまる一年得したな / glorious / that must have been amazing / a bit / 44 / not sure actually / coming / how old are you now? / my birthday is tomorrow / you / glad / one / my eyebrows waxed / 37 tomorrow / there we are / email / Cardiff / important breaking news there from Tom / this is / one / this / have you ever answered / phone / expecting someone else / someone else / it's a bit / everyone / dinner lady "mom" / you know / good / one / last week, my brother-in-law, Sam, arrived for a family wedding / drove into / holiday cottage / staying / upon seeing / behind / dad / in the car / Sam proceeded to exit / vehicle / with / similating / fictitional hand grenade. / so / pull into / he jumped on the ground / along / fictitious hand grenade / which / a little / goofy greeting of choice / before / yeah / he quickly realized / not my dad / some unknown person / sitting in the car for full ten minutes / some unknown person / full 10 minutes / left /

if / why / whole show / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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